Guilty Crafting

I am posting more blogs this week than usual and I apologise for that, but yesterday I wrestled with this and felt it ought to be blogged at the time it occured.

Guilty crafting is quite the title, it can have so many meanings and most of them are personal to the person who uses the phrase. I battle with this a lot, both in my head and with others, my time for crafting is limited and I do worry about the opinion others have of the time I spend crafting.

There are some who assume I craft all day every day and then there are those who feel I should ignore everything else in my life and craft all day every day. It doesn’t work in either of these ways and despite trying I am finding this difficult to write and explain in a way that isn’t me moaning. I have spent 90 minutes making three Christmas Cards whilst Nan has watched Emmerdale and had a sleep.

I used to watch Emmerdale, well no technically I didn’t, then I did but quite honestly it’s not quite the quality of TV I like so I guiltily made some Christmas Cards. I did get up and down to the washing machine, I’ve also made fresh pasta for tea, cleaned the kitchen, washed the floors, cleaned the bathroom so in theory I shouldn’t feel guilty but that’s the problem with guilt it takes no notice of logic. I have also made drinks, breakfast, lunch, washed up, sorted the recycling and made sure dinner for tomorrow and the next day is out of the freezer. Rescued a wasp who had found it’s way indoors, padded the walking frame handles and contacted the optician about glasses. Obviously these are NOT the only things I have done today but just a sample of them and this is just an average day on a reasonable week, things can get busier and then that takes automatic priority and crafting goes out the window.

I don’t regret or resent my choices and I may get frustrated but I cannot see ever regretting the decision to be a full time carer. I’ve been told many times how I’m doing the wrong thing, yet that’s not the person I am, I am not the type to put myself first. I try hard not to put myself first whether with family or friends whatever the consequences yet I find because of the path I have chosen I am isolated from people who fully understand me, respect the decisions I make and who don’t tell me how to sort a problem but just listen. It’s also for this reason I try not to mention anything to anyone when things are difficult. I don’t want to burden others but at the same time I cannot face being told I am making a mistake and shouldn’t be doing it. I am well versed in that particular record {not even being deaf has prevented that} and I do not need it being played again. So because of this I push away, decline to open up, decline to participate in conversation {as much as I attribute this to being deaf that is only 95% of the reason} and isolate myself further...this makes me feel the guilt of doing something for “me” even more. I suppose that I feel even more guilt for crafting because it is something I shouldn’t be doing if I’m trying not to be selfish and it is just one more thing I’m not able to share even if I wanted too.

So without further cathartic waffling I will share the Christmas Cards with you!