Deaf Awareness and Lipreading

For my second post this week I want to focus on lipreading.  It's my only option, sign is really expensive to learn although finger spelling bridges the gap and although hearing aids are an option for many...they only make what you can hear clearer rather than increasing what you can hear, they just aren't a viable option for me.

I grew up aware I was different and mostly stupid but at the end of it I had no real reason for it.  I was in my mid to late twenties when I finally had a diagnosis of congenital {from birth} hearing loss and in my thirties before I had a diagnosis for the cause of my hearing loss.  It was also in my thirties I discovered other people with hearing loss {albeit mostly people who were older than retirement age} at a lipreading class.  I wasn't sure about going, I wasn't convinced I was capable and the expense concerned me. It was £95 for six weeks plus getting to the city and the parking {which turned into £15 for four hours each week made me baulk and I soon struggled my way through the park and ride system...but {and bare with me because I love this story} the group was so friendly and it took me barely three weeks to settle in.

The teacher was calm, kind and most importantly understood what it is like to be deaf as she has hearing loss too.  Nerves played a huge part in restricting the acquisition of what is {debatably by some} a life skill...{I call it a life skill because it is as essential to succeeding in life as a basic education, being able to speak, feed yourself  and other basic life skills.} and at the end of the first term....February to April the tutor announced that she was giving us a test and would be running two classes in future...Intermediate/Advanced in the morning and beginners in the afternoon.  My heart sank, I'd barely settled in to this class and already I was going to have to change groups.

My test went well, and I was one mark off a perfect score...my concentration needing improving but the basic skill was there...I had unknowingly picked it up throughout my life.  I was welcomed with open arms into the intermediate/advanced group.  I stayed for five almost six years until things become too complicated to get there.  A change of location meant extra travelling.  Becoming a full time carer proved tricky too so {sorry to rabbit on about this} the lesson time became the opportunity to take the skill I had and use it rather than hide away.   I CAN lipread I just need to be open with people and say "I can't hear you, I need you to face me so I can lipread".  I hadn't had a positive reaction outside of the lipreading group {full of other people who couldn't hear so were lovely but biased because they understood how it felt} before or since my diagnosis so this was going to be a huge challenge and I was very aware that just one negative comment could be my downfall.  I've never been the most confident person and taking a risk when I wouldn't have a support network could have damaged my confidence for life.  However, I started my "Thursday Adventures" {yes those annoyingly long blog posts containing several hundred photos} gently with places I felt comfortable that I could cope with alone.  I took a National Trust membership and off I went.  It wasn't long before I needed a new camera but generally it was about being around people and interacting whilst  being honest about my hearing loss.

I did get to do that a couple times fairly quickly, the one I remember with a little giggle is from Seaton where I came across a fisherman who proceeded to tell me all about his family, I was forced to admit I couldn't hear a word he was saying, he smiled, took his phone out and showed me photos so I could work out he was talking about his grand daughter or son. I couldn't believe how well it had gone but I knew it was something I was going to have to keep doing.

There have been times when of course I haven't had a positive reaction but I stumbled across someone on twitter who hosts an hour of hearing loss.  We talk about the positives, how to deal with the negatives, share stories both positive and negative and most of all they give excellent advice which has helped me recently when I needed it.  If you get chance please do follow:  Hearing Loss Hour whether you are deaf or not.   There is also a fabulous Lipreading Tutor who is also called Sally {luckily spelt the usual way} who has helped me when needed with lots of useful advice.  You can find Sally on Twitter or her company In the Loop on Facebook.

 I didn't realise quite how much I had missed having someone to talk to who totally unletttood, who shared similar fears and who had the experience to advise when it was needed.  It will never replace the life long friendships you make at a lipreading class and even with the age gap they will always be lifelong friends.  Rather like any group of friends you share the joys {two new baby's and a wedding in our case} and the sadness {two deaths and a terminally ill wife making two of us full time carers within months of each other...that's now turned to three of us}but somehow the struggles that are unique to those of us who are deaf  also mean we are better placed to support one another.

The support from both the lipreading class and Hearing Loss Hour has given me the courage/confidence to challenge those who are not inclusive.  I have special consideration at the Dr's they now have to talk to me using an appropriate method, I always carry a finger spelling chart, a pen and notepad so when things get really difficult I can always use those to help me.  Although there are situations where none of those things work and that's busy stores, parties and social situations.  I'll be honest I keep my social interactions minimal.  I try to ensure that as much as possible it's one on one or no more than three of us, this means I'm not struggling to see who's talking or keep up especially as the conservation changes topic.  I also tend to spend more time socially with people I can trust to keep me in the loop so to speak opposed to letting me struggle whether unwittingly or intentionally.

Lipreading isn't as easy as hearing.  It takes skill, practise and most of all it's exhausting, very very exhausting.  It could be likened to learning a new language, only there's no translation and everyone you come into contact with is fluent, talks fast and uses regional dialects.  If you want to have a go at seeing how hard lipreading can be try using this lip reading quiz.  Even those of who have been lip reading for decades get some of these wrong.  Lipreading quiz at Hearing Dogs UK.  You don't have to accept cookies to be able to participate in the quiz.  But please give it a go, please see what it's like from the perspective of a deaf person.

There are of course things you can do to support someone with hearing loss and I'm going to share with you the Deaf Aware tips from my last blog post and some tips for communicating with someone who lip reads.

Top Tips for Communicating with Lip Readers

Face the person you are talking too

Make sure you have the person's attention before talking to them

Choose a well lit area to have the conversation

Reduce or turn off all background noise

Soft furnishings will prevent sounds from echoing

Always give the context of what you are talking about, before, during and even after

Speak slowly, clearly and steadily {this is important, shouting and over pronouncing will not help}

Repeat and Rephrase if necessary

Be patient and expect a lot of confused faces and "sorry I didn't catch that"

Take Turns and point to the person who is going to talk next

If the subject changes, stop the conversation and give context

Use a notepad or fingerspelling where appropriate

Use facial expression and hand gestures 

NEVER cover your mouth with your hands, scarves or jumpers.  

We all get nervous but if our frustrations get the better of us it may make you more nervous.

Try to remember we want to talk to you and

we really do appreciate the effort you are going to to include us and talk to us.

Try to avoid Jargon or have keywords on a piece of paper you can point to

 so the deaf person won't struggle to work out a difficult word when lipreading, 

especially if it's jargon and your unsure on the pronunciation

Anticipate the lip reader getting tired and 

ensure there are plenty of quiet periods so they can catch up, 

recover and participate in the conversation again.

I don't want to overwhelm you all with how lipreading works, things like similar word shapes, similar letters {PBM for example...if you're a lip reader you will know all about the both humiliating and hilarious mistakes that can be made with those words} etc but I do want to remind people how exhausting it can be and that it can make the most sociable of people become antisocial at times.  However the more antisocial you become and less inclusive other people are the more you put up walls to protect yourself from having the little confidence you have from being destroyed....that said it also means you are missing out on the joys too.  Which brings me neatly to the crafty element of this post {yes I can hear you all saying at last, it's taken long enough.} and I've made a very simple journal page using an image and quote from Ike's Art