Technological Dependence

Well the title says Technological Dependence and that is exactly what this post is about, with some craft thrown in of course. First I want to explain my definition, I’ve spent a couple of weeks considering this post and have looked at what the title means a lot and have decided it means something very different to me. Whilst browsing twitter I noted that a lot of people consider technological dependence as frequently using phones and tablet when others are around. For me personally I see technological dependence as using technology as a replacement for something that doesn’t work. In my case the phone, both landlines and mobile. Yes looking at the twitter definition a phone is considered technology but in this case it’s making calls and that hasn’t been a technological advancement in a hundred odd years.

I can’t hear on the phone, I can hear just well enough with the aid of a Bluetooth in ear speaker to bluff a conversation with friends as long as it doesn’t involve a meeting place or time but the rest is not possible. I have tried and failed more times than I can count. It’s time I accepted it just isn’t going to work and I have a love hate relationship with technology.

I hate being in constant contact with everyone, I hate that most non verbal communication these days is done through social media and that is generally negative, even the look at me I’m doing wonderful posts tend to have a negative connotation for those who read them and feel bad it is something they haven’t done or can’t do and it’s probably best not to start me on the blackmail posts that are doing the rounds at the moment declaring someone to be available constantly should you wish to talk...{sorry I am a selfish cow and I am not staying awake indefinitely on the off chance you will ring me nor am I going to take my phone to the shower, the toilet, or stop the car on the motorway to take your call I am quite simply NOT ALWAYS AVAILABLE, I will however get back to you as and when so stop making me feel guilty for not achieving the social media definition of “Friend”}.

I hate that I’m constantly facelessly attached to my phone or the laptop rather than speaking to someone.

I hate that the laughter in someone’s voice or the smile on their face or any gestures are missed when using technological methods of communication.

I hate the feeling of forcing others to increase their use of technology in order to communicate with me and thus isolating myself further by avoiding contact.

There are positives too though,

I love that I can talk to people and not mishear or embarrass them by asking them to raise their voice to an unacceptably loud level

I love that I can be independent, with the use of Next Generation Text I can make phone calls to those I wouldn’t normally be able to

I love that feeling of knowing someone is listening/reading what I say and bother to tell me what is going on for them and being able to laugh or cry with them.

I love that I can choose when I communicate with someone.

I love how much energy I have left after the conversation and am not limited to only communicating when I have too because hearing and deciphering is exhausting

I love that you can flip between topics and I can still keep up and know what is being talked about.

All this makes me dependent on technology yet when it goes wrong or I need to deal with a company that won’t accept calls from Next Generation Text I’m as dependent on another human being as a neonate. It’s infuriating, upsetting, demoralising and I seek blame, I blame myself, IF I could hear this would not have gone wrong/broke, IF I could hear I wouldn’t be making someone else suffer to help me, IF I could hear others wouldn’t be put at risk...because without NGT I cannot make a phone call, I cannot call the Dr’s, I cannot call the emergency services, I cannot do anything. This happened recently not once but twice. Firstly Curry’s and Hotpoint won’t accept NGT calls for broken appliances under warranty, I ended up calling and making the situation worse by not hearing what was going on, in the end I had to take out an insurance policy and because that company does accept NGT calls things are finally getting better even if it has taken months.

Then as I was hoping to save money I’d upgraded my internet connection, it should also provide a more stable connection for NGT...only it’s still not been connected. BT refused to deal with me via live chat and twitter where I repeatedly informed them I’m deaf and cannot phone, at one point I asked if they were being purposefully offensive and discriminatory as I keep telling them I’m deaf I was told no but do phone us. I’ve had to get a family member to take unpaid leave twice in order to get them to sort out the connection. I now have a temporary connection which isn’t great and BT still won’t take an NGT call.

The appliance breaking and not being able to use NGT threw me, I’d become fairly confident through the use of NGT but now I couldn’t use it. I was upset and as things got rapidly very out of hand trying to use the phone, my confidence dropped I couldn’t think of a single positive thing and as people around me got increasingly positive I lost all hope...there was a moment when I couldn’t see how I was good for anyone or anything, I can’t sort things out for myself I just make work for others, I’m just a useless good for nothing unintelligent baby who would never grow up and gain independence, I was going to be forever under a year old. A friend coincidentally text that night as I was sat sobbing on the bedroom floor because at that point I didn’t even deserve the comfort of a bed, why would I? I hadn’t done anything to deserve a home, a bed or anything...I was useless no good to anyone, no good to the world so why should I have those things? Without really knowing what she was doing she stopped me sobbing by distracting me with something about her life and I ended up bed crying quietly until I fell asleep. Things were marginally better then next morning mainly because my headache stopped me from being able to focus on anything.

Attempting to sort things myself has left me exhausted, I’m sleeping as many hours as I can, the tiredness has affected my balance and I’m covered in bruises from bumping into things and falling over, my wrists ache because of old and new injuries when falling from lack of balance. I LONG to do some yoga but I know that if I attempt it like this I will end up with serious injuries. Something so silly and minor as something breaking and going wrong has left me struggling on daily basis. I’ve come to the point now where I’ve accepted help and things are slightly better but I feel guilty, that someone is losing money and could be putting themselves in financial difficulty because I am too much of a baby to sort things out myself! I assume at some point in the future things will improve, hopefully the near future too but for now, I’ve finally admitted I am dependent on technology. Slowly as things are sorted I am regaining some confidence, I am still battered and bruised and these experiences will remain with me for quite some time but I hope and long for a time when they become a distant memory that doesn’t reduce me to tears.

I’ve said for a few years now, “Acceptance is half the battle won” {© Sallie Baker 2018} and it’s true if you can accept the way things are it’s much easier. Had I accepted earlier I would not be able to deal with either issue things would not have got so complicated and it would have been easier for someone else to sort it out for me. Which is why I am choosing to accept technological dependence because whether I like it or not I NEED technology, in particular working technology, in order to be independent, happy, part of society and healthy. Technological dependence isn’t always bad, it can be good, it does good and I am very grateful for it.

This page in my journal is supposed to be fun yet still encompassing the need for all things technical and how my world is now centred around technology.

Now a question for anyone who has braved to get this far through the post, do you prefer text first then photo’s or photo’s first then text?