Inspired by a book at IAAS
It's a theme I am mega excited about over at International Art and Soul this fortnight. BOOKS. We are asking that your creations are inspired by a book. I have chosen Erin Gruewell's The Freedom Writers Diary.
This book really touched me when I read it, I could identify with some of the entries as well as finding it an easy read.I've used the cake images from Ikes Art to make diary covers and having created them like a book I made sure they opened to be able to read the entries.
Dear Diary 060520
I should have written this on a bad day, well okay most days are bad days but I mean a really bad day when things are going spectacularly wrong. You see I’m deaf, or Deaf or Hearing impaired or I’ve even once heard it called aurally challenged. In this PC mad world it’s all about getting the names right and nothing at all to do with trying to support or make things accessible for those who cannot hear. I suppose I cannot expect too much my hearing loss is a rarity BUT even so the principles are the same for everyone with hearing loss regardless of the cause.
I’ve written a lot on my blog over the years about the fact I have a genetic defect that causes my hearing loss along with other symptoms. I started this diary entry wanting it to explain it all but then I realised just how much I had done that before and that it wasn’t really relevant on this occasion. What I really want to talk about this time is deaf anxiety and mental health. I’m okay with fictional words and making things up when it comes to putting my thoughts down on paper coherently I have a tendency to use some well I suppose they could be called controversial images and art journaling. So to help me process my thoughts and put them into an order I’m going to start my defining deaf anxiety.
Deaf Anxiety is: (for me) the symptoms of anxiety that have a known trigger...being deaf and knowing you have to and or experiencing situations that are stressful and difficult because I cannot hear.
What are those situations: I think this probably changes for everyone but for me its: Using the telephone, shopping in a busy store, group events and conversations, busy places, anything that is out of context especially security questions in banks or pharmacies and anything unfamiliar where I don’t know if I will be able to cope.
As with most forms of anxiety it also affects my confidence and I often think how useless I am and I feel very much like a toddler who can’t grow up because there will always be things that I need help with. I never really feel as though I am good enough for anyone else, my expectations of myself are as high if not higher than they could get which means I complete the never ending cycle of always failing because I set an expectation that is unattainable. I worry that because I don’t see myself as good enough then nobody else will either so to help put a positive spin on this diary entry I asked a “friend” (I’ve used “ “ because they say it’s friendship but because of my confidence or lack of confidence I should say I always feel it’s more tolerance on their part) how they see my deafness and me. This is what she said: “I'd say that it makes you wiser in a lot of ways. I'd say that it makes you wiser in a lot of ways.” I’m not sure it makes me wise but I do know it really does shape who I am, my likes and dislikes, the things I choose to do and why I choose to do them. That said it is really the deaf anxiety that controls whether or not I actually do something. Something new can be totally suitable for a deaf person but whether or not I actually do it comes down to how anxious I get about it and then if I do it I still might not enjoy something that is very enjoyable because of the anxiety making me feel like I have got it all wrong.
Mental health is fairly big at the moment with everyone discussing it openly on social media and in the news papers but deaf anxiety hasn’t been mentioned once, even in deaf awareness week it’s barely had a mention and that contributes to the anxiety it makes it feel like as a deaf person my mental health is not important, that I don’t deserve good mental health. Of course this is heightened by the anxiety.
It feels like this is too negative to end this entry so I’m going to end with a simple note...Deaf Awareness can change everything for a deaf person and can improve their mental health a lot. Whether it’s by learning the basic hello, goodbye, please, thank you signs or by understand the best ways to communicate with a deaf person it will all help. As with many things in life it’s the small things in life that have the biggest positive impact on the life and mental health of another individual.
Dear Diary 080520
It’s not carers awareness week yet but caring is a huge part of who I am, it influences all my decisions and the lack of people in my life. Caring is hard work, nobody who isn’t a carer can ever fully understand what it’s like to care for someone, to not just have someone dependent on you like a baby/toddler for their basic needs but also to keep them alive and make sure their happy, healthy and that their physical as well as mental health is managed. Being a parent makes you cook, cleaner and nurse but I’ve discovered being a carer makes you cook, cleaner, nurse, doctor, pharmacist, podiatrist, mental health worker, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, optometrist, a specialist in disabilities for me that’s blindness as well as mobility disabilities that are unique to a certain age range of people, a nutritionist, a dietician and so much more. All of these things comes without recognition. The question I can’t answer is, does it come without recognition because there is a general lack of awareness or because caring is a time consuming and demanding experience, friends drift away or in my experience believe it’s like having a baby/toddler. You can do things whilst they nap, or are in bed of an evening, you could always get a sitter or use day care but it truly doesn’t work like that. Many carees keep adult sleeping patters, there is no day care or babysitters because outside help from employed carers is expensive...one hour is the same rate as an 8-6 day at Nursery, £30 an hour.
I suppose what I’m really trying to say in this entry is I think that the lack of awareness is partially caused by the carers lack of ability to meet up with friends or participate in things where you would normally take children along with you. However, that lack of awareness means friends who drift away have no idea how guilty you feel about not having the time to keep in touch or the fact you totally forget because other things take priority, it’s not an excuse (something I’ve heard many many times) it’s just how it is for a carer and if they hung around and became aware of how isolating caring is they might make more effort to stay in touch rather than drift away.
This book really touched me when I read it, I could identify with some of the entries as well as finding it an easy read.I've used the cake images from Ikes Art to make diary covers and having created them like a book I made sure they opened to be able to read the entries.
Dear Diary 060520
I should have written this on a bad day, well okay most days are bad days but I mean a really bad day when things are going spectacularly wrong. You see I’m deaf, or Deaf or Hearing impaired or I’ve even once heard it called aurally challenged. In this PC mad world it’s all about getting the names right and nothing at all to do with trying to support or make things accessible for those who cannot hear. I suppose I cannot expect too much my hearing loss is a rarity BUT even so the principles are the same for everyone with hearing loss regardless of the cause.
I’ve written a lot on my blog over the years about the fact I have a genetic defect that causes my hearing loss along with other symptoms. I started this diary entry wanting it to explain it all but then I realised just how much I had done that before and that it wasn’t really relevant on this occasion. What I really want to talk about this time is deaf anxiety and mental health. I’m okay with fictional words and making things up when it comes to putting my thoughts down on paper coherently I have a tendency to use some well I suppose they could be called controversial images and art journaling. So to help me process my thoughts and put them into an order I’m going to start my defining deaf anxiety.
Deaf Anxiety is: (for me) the symptoms of anxiety that have a known trigger...being deaf and knowing you have to and or experiencing situations that are stressful and difficult because I cannot hear.
What are those situations: I think this probably changes for everyone but for me its: Using the telephone, shopping in a busy store, group events and conversations, busy places, anything that is out of context especially security questions in banks or pharmacies and anything unfamiliar where I don’t know if I will be able to cope.
As with most forms of anxiety it also affects my confidence and I often think how useless I am and I feel very much like a toddler who can’t grow up because there will always be things that I need help with. I never really feel as though I am good enough for anyone else, my expectations of myself are as high if not higher than they could get which means I complete the never ending cycle of always failing because I set an expectation that is unattainable. I worry that because I don’t see myself as good enough then nobody else will either so to help put a positive spin on this diary entry I asked a “friend” (I’ve used “ “ because they say it’s friendship but because of my confidence or lack of confidence I should say I always feel it’s more tolerance on their part) how they see my deafness and me. This is what she said: “I'd say that it makes you wiser in a lot of ways. I'd say that it makes you wiser in a lot of ways.” I’m not sure it makes me wise but I do know it really does shape who I am, my likes and dislikes, the things I choose to do and why I choose to do them. That said it is really the deaf anxiety that controls whether or not I actually do something. Something new can be totally suitable for a deaf person but whether or not I actually do it comes down to how anxious I get about it and then if I do it I still might not enjoy something that is very enjoyable because of the anxiety making me feel like I have got it all wrong.
Mental health is fairly big at the moment with everyone discussing it openly on social media and in the news papers but deaf anxiety hasn’t been mentioned once, even in deaf awareness week it’s barely had a mention and that contributes to the anxiety it makes it feel like as a deaf person my mental health is not important, that I don’t deserve good mental health. Of course this is heightened by the anxiety.
It feels like this is too negative to end this entry so I’m going to end with a simple note...Deaf Awareness can change everything for a deaf person and can improve their mental health a lot. Whether it’s by learning the basic hello, goodbye, please, thank you signs or by understand the best ways to communicate with a deaf person it will all help. As with many things in life it’s the small things in life that have the biggest positive impact on the life and mental health of another individual.
Dear Diary 080520
It’s not carers awareness week yet but caring is a huge part of who I am, it influences all my decisions and the lack of people in my life. Caring is hard work, nobody who isn’t a carer can ever fully understand what it’s like to care for someone, to not just have someone dependent on you like a baby/toddler for their basic needs but also to keep them alive and make sure their happy, healthy and that their physical as well as mental health is managed. Being a parent makes you cook, cleaner and nurse but I’ve discovered being a carer makes you cook, cleaner, nurse, doctor, pharmacist, podiatrist, mental health worker, physiotherapist, occupational therapist, optometrist, a specialist in disabilities for me that’s blindness as well as mobility disabilities that are unique to a certain age range of people, a nutritionist, a dietician and so much more. All of these things comes without recognition. The question I can’t answer is, does it come without recognition because there is a general lack of awareness or because caring is a time consuming and demanding experience, friends drift away or in my experience believe it’s like having a baby/toddler. You can do things whilst they nap, or are in bed of an evening, you could always get a sitter or use day care but it truly doesn’t work like that. Many carees keep adult sleeping patters, there is no day care or babysitters because outside help from employed carers is expensive...one hour is the same rate as an 8-6 day at Nursery, £30 an hour.
I suppose what I’m really trying to say in this entry is I think that the lack of awareness is partially caused by the carers lack of ability to meet up with friends or participate in things where you would normally take children along with you. However, that lack of awareness means friends who drift away have no idea how guilty you feel about not having the time to keep in touch or the fact you totally forget because other things take priority, it’s not an excuse (something I’ve heard many many times) it’s just how it is for a carer and if they hung around and became aware of how isolating caring is they might make more effort to stay in touch rather than drift away.
Now to the important part...what I made. An art journal page for a diary.
Beautiful creation, Sall. I love how you took your own experiences to create such a fabulous work of art. Sending virtual hugs because I can't do it in person.
ReplyDeleteI read your entries and they certainly remind me of my own problems. I have 'old age deafness' so being deaf has only been me for about 12 years. I am almost stone deaf and do not use the telephone unless absolutely necessary. I told my friends from the beginning that I couldn't hear them unless they looked at me and most of them comply. Some of them forget and this is when it gets frustrating for both them and me. I'm forever saying "sorry, I'm deaf" and my audiologist tells me I should never apologise. You, hopefully, will make people think when they read your entries and the images are great. Hazel x
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